The Box Guy

he presents me with a gift of a rapid heartbeat
the box guy is here once more
our eyes meet, I look awaytoo shy to make myself known.
he leaves, his business done
off to some other place
I rise and slowly follow him down the hall
like a lion stalking prey
his long black shorts
and baggy blue t-shirt
swamp his petite frame
my heels clack on the marble floor
and I stand behind the glass
watching, waiting, hoping
he reverses his van with jerky movements
I hope he comes back tomorrow.

On days like today
I really don't know
just who I am
what am I trying to
achieve in life?
running around in
long, looping circles
the same problems
repeating itself
like a faulty clock radio
always in the space
of, oh, six months
something happens
that connects my heart
latches on, and won't let go
until I've drained every last
breath and blood
of life from it.
when it is your turn?
when is it my turn?
to have someone feel this way
about me.

I've fallen in love with you
totally incompatible
I don't know what I should do

To be so different, yet so detached
our lives parallel
although it's obvious we are mismatched

Most days I really would like

to be somebody

anybody

and others, I am happy just being

me.

they say that you have talent
when your fingers tickle the ivory keys
pressing out tunes and melodies
in a way that I could only dream of

some may also say that it is unfair
to have that talent
and to be ridiculously handsome,
a smile like a thousand headlights

but naturally, you are oblivious to that
the effect that you have
which radiates around you.

How can I live on dial-up?
This I do not know.
Perhaps there is more to life
Than interacting via an electronic cable
blip, blip, beep, beep
56kbs.

It hurts me
Like a dull ache
Deep inside my Stomach
Whats happening inside me?
I clasp my hands around my body
Trying to hold all the pain inside but it's
Coming out, spewing forth, erupting violently.

The necessary unhappiness
of an unrequited dream
hits me hard
and almost swallows me whole

i tried to say goodbye
but my heart wasn't in it
you are everything i want
my loves broken this limit

i can't turn my back on you
so innocent and pure
i have never met a man like you
bordering on the obscure

so here i go again
i don't know when it will be over
i give a gift to you, take it
my heart you are it's owner

side note: this is the second rhyming poem I have written in two days. not sure if I prefer it, I do really love freeform. Lets stick to the same subject, but in freeform, and we will see what works best.

I wanted to leave you
locked inside a dark cage
i dare not return to it
but it called me back.
Opening up my eyes
once more I see you
haunted and hollow
how can I turn my back
on you
and run away, I do not
want this
but the moonlight in
your smile shows me
how to breathe again.

I shook my head in denial
I didn’t want to believe it was true
Everyone else seemed to know
What you seem is not really you.

I have pieced together
So many findings that were there
That I can’t reject any longer
The knowledge that I now have to share

You didn’t even understand
But about you so much was discovered
I am saddened to let you go
My beautiful and mysterious beloved.

I drink you in like an alcoholic
the smell of you sending me wild
drunk from your very essence

My nose pressed into your hair
it tickles my nostrils until the air
I breathe is filled with embers

Lightning travels rapidly up
and down my body, touching so
many places at once, not quick enough

I am on fire, skin hot like the flames
of your fingers, touching, burning
filling me with the desire for you

Michelle & I : A Collaboration via Email at work

Michelle:

I toss at night
thinking of you
the worry is intense
it makes my womb ache

he has evoked feelings
in you
in me
something is not right

the little man wants control
of you
and me
it cannot be allowed

I will crush him like a beetle.

Me:

His outer shell, crushed
in your wicked hands
the sharp fragments of
multicoloured body glisten
in the evening dusk

Michelle:

The little man lays broken
on the side walk
we walk past briskly
must get to the Myer sale.

Me:

Pity shines out through my eyes
and salty tears crawl down my cheeks
like a slow moving afternoon.
He pleads silently
begging for me to lift him up
I reach out to him, fingers touch
and tuck his bones into my Gucci tote.

I wish I chose to go
bite the bullet,
get out of here
but July was such a lifetime ago
and I have no time for regrets.

Safe in my cocoon, my little shell
scared of your reaction
a blank stare, a question
of my self, who am I?

What am I doing here
I am trying to find
the pieces of me left behind
I think you may have them
secure in your small palms.

A happy face
drawn in red ink
on my desk blotter

does it reflect
how I want to be seen
or is it just a random scribble

A poem I wrote for Eric as he has crazy ex's who won't leave him alone

the hair on my neck prickles
from the eyes I feel
boring into my soul
stop watching me

i have deleted you
from my phone book
i do not want to know your name

you keep coming back,
but you are unwanted
unwanted around here,
unwanted by me

you seek the comfort
of knowing me when
all i can offer you is a
look of disgust

leave me alone
i do not know you.

you sing crazy songs to me
in the lunch room
i know you're not ok
your brain ticks, almost
backwards
like a slow moving clock
the rotting corpses surround
-you-
blocking all the exits

I want to pull back away from you
you make me so angry
I can feel it swirling in my gut
the rage inside me bubbles up to the surface
and erupts in a stream of nonsensical words
screams, and guttural grunts
I lash out to connect to you
with my fist, violently shaking
you are never there, not now, never was
I suppress it all and to the world
I am just another blended being
only existing like everyone else.

beneath you
an empty void
this is what you
have created
a thousand pinpricks
of light and stars
coruscate around
your every open pore
illuminating nothing
illuminating everything

I can feel the sadness
churning for days, deep inside
my hollow stomach
like a heavy weight
filling me with its misery
It's coming again
rising up through my body
and forcing its way
out through my eyes
taking on the shape of
clear, salty tears
that well up and cluster
around my eyelashes
before tracking their
morning dew down my face
In sorrow for something
that I have lost,
that I never had.

I knew it all along
I could see the potential of you
Shining through like a beacon
Guiding lost ships to shore
It was the only thing I
Was sure about
To see your manifestation
Bright and pure
So obvious now
Why can anyone else not see
The wonder of you

Throbbing through the bloody tangle
of fleshy tubes and organs
your electrodes explode
shattering into oblivion
as the wires take over your body

Twisting, turning cables
fuse to form the essence of you
The idling of your heart as your
power supply is flicked on
sending vibrations shattering
through your system

Your pale skin glows in
the afterblaze
a ruddy complexion blazing
in the futile light

You are alive again.

open up your eyes
look into his heart
the way that I can

don't you want to save him?

he is lost, wandering alone
everyone passes him by
insignificant, he turns away
to face the strange shadows dancing
around his bones

don't you want to save him?

your slanted eyes
shaded by heavy lids
coupled with your
drug addled brain
thick lips, caked
with dried blood
wild, crazy hair
looping into this
madness of you
Oh!
the meth scabs
the wounds open
and call out the
name of my love
to me softly, softly.

It always ends in tears
My love for you
unbroken like a flowing stream
cascading down a rocky mountainside
until the clear water unfurls onto the
rocks below
crashing, moving, churning
the water is broken
Like my heart.
You throw it away, carelessly,
over your bony shoulder.
And you don't even know.

Antony & I : A Collaboration at my desk at work.

the youthful giggle of tomorrow
fades away into the darkness

the bleak look of a pained expression
wallows in the pity of yesteryear.

with the coming of a fresh new season
the smell of dew whispers around ones antidote

opening and closing like a burnt autumn leaf
listen to me, listen to you
the season of values
of life that deserves.

I feel closer to you
In the dead of night

Shades of grey
descend upon me now

In this cold, dark haze
Your body keeps me warm

We shiver against each other
Your gooseflesh prickles me

Our mouths finally meet
Our warmth dissolves
We are together again.

I saw the
Sanitary Waste
U N I T

A crypt of debris
Continually accepting
of offerings placed

Not of peace

But of w a r

Bloody, maimed rags
Shreds of who we once were.

It's mouth opens to accept more, never ending
Until the robotic cleaner empties it's soul.

hey boy
what are you thinking
inside your fuzzy little head

thin and insignificant
do you think you can hide from the crowd?
but I still notice you

you are nothing to so many people
but everything to me.
doesn't that make a difference?

Does it make you want me
knowing I am the only one that cares.
Why do your eyes slide past me
As if I am not there.

I laugh
at your words

I smile
at your wild eyes

I look longingly
at your arms
not moving
not swinging

They are still.

There you are
asleep in the
window

You are the
window of my
soul.

Your eyes beckon
I walk forward,
dazed

My body slams
into the glass,
hurt

I did not open the door.

Purple lights dancing
in the shadow of your
eyes.

I can see the way you feel.

Ultra luminous, the blood
pumps purple beneath your
skin.

Glowing, glowing

Gone.

Your wild hair is a
manifestation of your
personality.

Twisting, kinked locks
stem from your
inner most
thoughts.